FLAVOR: Brilliant Sparkle and/or Fresh Mint
BRAND: Arm & Hammer Advance White
ADA ACCEPTED: No
TOOTHBRUSH USED: Colgate 360°
I'm not sure if this toothpaste is supposed to taste like "Brilliant Sparkle" or "Fresh Mint." "Brilliant Sparkle" is printed in a much more prominent typeface than "Fresh Mint," but then again, "Brilliant Sparkle" isn't exactly a flavor. This toothpaste certainly tastes like mint, but I would hesitate to call the flavor "fresh." It's a very astringent mint, burning the sinuses like horseradish or, I don't know, gasoline. It has a slightly woody sweetness, a little like coconut; I guess it tastes like a mint-flavored toothpick. But more than anything, this toothpaste tastes like baking soda, to which I say HOLY GROSS.
—Michael
FLAVOR: Paradise Fresh
BRAND: Colgate Luminous
ADA ACCEPTED: Yes
TOOTHBRUSH USED: Oral-B something-or-other
Colgate Luminous "Paradise Fresh" is the toothpaste equivalent of Jimmy Buffett: kinda shitty. Jimmy Buffett sings about tropical islands and drinking margaritas and eating cheeseburgers, but his songs are actually terrible. Colgate Luminous "Paradise Fresh" comes in a purple tube with a picture of a diamond and a palm tree on it, but it tastes like mint and makes me want to throw up (not unlike Jimmy Buffett). Why would a toothpaste called "Paradise Fresh" taste like mint? Shouldn't it taste like piña coladas? And why would they put a picture of a diamond on it when it clearly did not turn my teeth into diamonds? Also, Jimmy Buffett sucks.
—Michael
FLAVOR: Clean Cinnamon
BRAND: Crest Pro-Health
ADA ACCEPTED: Yes
TOOTHBRUSH USED: Target brand
Crest Pro-Health "Clean Cinnamon" is a smooth, creamy paste with a noticeably fine grit. The paste itself is an impossibly slight pinkish-white with a mixture of minuscule red particles. The red particles, I would imagine, are what give the paste its gritty texture. I like to imagine that these little bits of ruby are crushed Red Hots candies, for this is what the paste tastes of. It is a gentle cinnamon spice, backed by a very soft sweetness, like a marshmallow. I guess what I am getting at is Crest Pro-Health "Clean Cinnamon" tastes like candy. The paste does not foam very much when brushed and leaves the mouth with a sweet and pleasantly cool - not cold - aftertaste.
—Michael
